Taking care of yourself after a pregnancy loss

There are number of normal reactions to loss and they appear in ways you might not expect. These can be common reactions to a crisis. You may experience one, a few or none of these reactions.

• Sleeping too much
• Disturbed sleep
• Not sleeping at all

• Not feeling hungry
• Eating for no reason

• Being lonely or depressed
• Being crabby/irritable
• Crying for no real reason
• Feeling panicked over little things
• Being angry for being left alone
• Being angry with the health care system for not doing enough
• Being angry with yourself for not taking more heroic steps
• Becoming emotional from triggers/reminders of the loss

• Finding it difficult to make decisions or hard to trust the decisions you do make
• Buying things you did not need
• Considering selling everything and moving
• Going to the store every day

• Feeling like you are losing control
• Finding yourself unable to concentrate when reading
• Being unable to remember what you just read
• Finding yourself obsessed with thoughts of your baby
• Being forgetful, confused, unusually absent- minded
• Forgetting why you went somewhere
• Feeling guilty about things you have, or have not, done

• Feeling no one understands what you are going through
• Calling friends and talking for a long time or wanting to hang up after only a brief conversation
• Feeling people should call more often or not call you at all
• Feeling people should involve you in activities more often or leave you alone
• Avoiding social functions you usually enjoyed

• Headaches
• Upset stomach
• Feeling weak and exhausted
• Feeling more aches and pains

• Accept your broken heart.
• Allow yourself to cry if you are able. It may provide some comfort and relief of built up emotions.
• Reflect on your imagined guilt and “if onlys.”
• Feel free to question this loss
• Try not to escape into loneliness.
• Laughter does not mean you are being disrespectful to your loved one’s memory.
• Try not to use substances to help cope. The painful experience of grief can be difficult to deal with. Drinking alcohol, using substances or taking medications as a way to cope actually only delays the grieving process.

• Use your own awareness of your level of grief and healing.
• Do not measure yourself by how others grieve and heal. It is different for everyone.
• Understand and accept your limits.
• Respect the way your partner and/or your family grieves. Respect the time it takes for them to heal.

• Tell those around you what you need from them: practical help, emotional support, sharing of time.
• It might be helpful to talk about your experience and your child to people who you think will understand.
• Talking with others can be a way to keep your child’s memory alive.
• Accept the people around you who provide support, with all their imperfections and occasional unwanted advice. Most people mean well and are not intending to hurt you. They just don’t know what to say or they might not be comfortable with the subject themselves.
• Seeking professional counselling and/or attending a pregnancy loss support group does not mean you are weak or inadequate.
• Attend a support group. It may help to share your feelings with people who have had a similar experience. There can be an instant bond among people who have lost a child.

• Try activities that give you some measure of comfort.
• Suggestions: religion, philosophy, poetry, music, art, gardening, exercise, walks, spirituality, meditation, reading, volunteer work.
• One or more of these might help relieve your grief and help you make meaning of your experience.